Will you blow on my dice?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
