I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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