Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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