When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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