Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
