Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
