I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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