did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
