I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
