He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
