I bet he comes in French.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize