I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
