Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
