Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
