if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
