Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
