There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
