The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
