I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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