im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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