Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Randomize
