You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
