there's paper in my vomit.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I need to align my fucking chakras
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
