Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
