I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
