I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
this is an emotional support booty call
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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