it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
