Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
