If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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