mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
