The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Holy shit dude........stairs
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
