One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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