He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
