You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
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How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
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True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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