Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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