Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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