I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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