the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
