Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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