Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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