Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
