He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
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