This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
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I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
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Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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