just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
