Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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