Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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