Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I need to align my fucking chakras
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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