do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
