seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I got inside last night via doggy door
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
