you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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