I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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