yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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