we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
