This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
The feeling are messing with the penis
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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