the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
