So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
