No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
