he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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